Rule #5 : “SAY IT WITH YA CHEST”

#LoPost – If you know me you know this year I was all about being #27AF (which is how old I am) and with that I told myself being #27AF meant I needed to start speaking my mind more. SO In 2020, I have managed to say “I like you” to 3 people thus far.

And yes “Like” as in:

  • Like Like.
  • Do you like me? Check the box yes or no, Like.
  • More than a friend, Like.
  • Check my instagram story just to see if they’ve seen the bomb picture I just posted, and if they did and didn’t quick react with the heart eyes, it was a failure of a post, Like.

Before we get any further – Lets address that I’m currently single. So obvi the phrase didn’t jump start a relationship. However, comma thats not the point of this post. *crying laughing emoji*

Secondary address – My friends are probably reading at the speed of light, with their heart in their stomach trying to figure out how the rest of this post is going to go and i am cackling thinking and typing about it. (Same, Sis)

Prior to these confessions, I would have consider myself a scaredy cat. I can talk my friends, family, & strangers in circlesss, but talking DIRECTLY to someone I KNOW, FACE TO FACE, that I think is CUTE… WITH A GOOD PERSONALITY…. ANDDD CAN MAKE ME LAUGH….?!?!? HOW DOES ONE EVEN FORM A THOUGHT?! LET ALONE SAY THAT PHRASE WITH SO MUCH EMPHASIS?!?!! That being said, these 3 recipients, each received the message very differently from me.

The first one was very stressful!!!! I beat around the bush for so long, I almost ran out of time before they had to leave the restaurant. With the help of liquid courage (thank you, Tequila), I finally said the statement. *Queue the “Thats it. Thats the tweet” moment.* I said it, and barelyyy said anything else about how and WHY I felt that way! I mean, there was a practical conversation following. But nothing that made me feel like this person, knew what I wanted or expected from that point on. (And if I did say more, it was probably Tequila talking and unrelated. Excuse me while I go dig a hole to go lay in from remembering my embarrassment.)

Then came the second. I really pushed for this outing to happen. (I say outing and not date because my cousin reallyyyy hyped me up aka “took my phone and texted for me situations.”) So nonetheless, I had to deliver. Still nervous, but more prepared. Explanation ready to roll. But this time, I downplayed everything…… “Lo! Now why would you do that?!?!” Ugh I panicked okay. *Palms forehead* When I replay the conversation, I used a lot of the phrases “I think” “I might” and “..but IDK why though.” Ahh, I tried.

Third times a charm, right?! So at this point, I’m annoyed with myself. Thissss person was a longgg time crush. Ya know the ones you constantly tell your friends about and they always tell you to say something and then you’re like “no, I can’t” and then life hits repeat and you do this forever. ANYWAY. I set up the FaceTime. No drinks. Just me, prime time daylight hours, and the stupid insects that were on my patio cause I was trying to set a cute scene around me. After a few mins of small talk and being scared shitless, the “now or never” light bulb finally kicked in. I had a great intro, set up the statement, had a back up explanation and BOOM…. We were having the dialog I was looking for! Now… don’t get me wrong I wasn’t perfect!!! I still hung up the call feeling as though there were a couple of things I wish I had said.

But the difference from Time 1 and Time 3 was that I felt way more CONFIDENT. If i can tell my long term crush how I feel… I CAN TELL ANYONE, ANYTHING!

Cause thats how all motivation comes about right? LOL but seriously, there is now a very short list of reasons that I would allow myself (or anyone else) to hold back on being vocal! At this point where our world is now, our feelings and our voices should be heard. In ALL areas of life. From these conversations (and outside inspiration), I was able to gain confidence to continue to speak up. Proof being, I have co-started this blog. In real life, I’ve acknowledged my mental health. I have spoken out about being Black in America. I have raised my concerns to leadership at work. I no longer feel the need to say “Yes, I’m okay” if I’m actually not. I’ve learned to give people their flowers on any given day. I tell my loved ones I love them. I’m learning to tell my loved ones if they’ve hurt me. And one day…… I’ll nail down shooting my shot!!

LOL My points for you guys are:

  • The conversations WILL be tough and while the topics may not get easier, being confident WILL.
  • Practice makes perfect!! Timing may not always be the best, but as long as you have physical ability, you will always have a chance to say how you feel or give an opinion. Use all of those moments to your advantage, big and small!
  • Don’t let potential negative outcomes weigh too much on your decision to express yourself. You can not control how someone else reacts. Accept that some things may not end in your favor and thats okay. (Your feelings are still valid.)
  • Its OKAY to prepare! Sometimes talking without a plan makes us more nervous. Take some time figure out what you want to get across.
    • I personally like the Issa, from Insecure, talking in the mirror method.
  • Lastly, STAND BY WHAT YOU SAY! Everyday we see someone new taking a stand. Being loud and clear. Some people feel like pineapples don’t go on pizza. And those people are loud and wrong. But they won’t take it back and that’s okay! Be stimulated NOT to backtrack. Because what did we say was Rule 1?! Be and do you, unapologetically. And let others decide if they want to stand beside you.

Simply put – Alway be kind. Come from a place of love and good intentions. Say what you want for YOU and SAY IT WITH YA CHEST!!!

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